From Beersheba Back to Haran

During my three years pastoring a Chinese church in the United States, we sent more than 20 of our members back to China. When I returned to China, I planted a church, which I have now pastored for four years. The church has received no fewer than one hundred Christian returnees, referred to us by overseas churches. Today the issue of Christian returnees is so important. In this article, I will share my understanding of this issue, based on the life of Jacob in the Bible, and try to offer some suggestions and advice to overseas churches, churches in China, and Christian returnees.

It is said that there are three ultimate philosophical questions in life: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going? When we simply rely on the questions, “Where did I come from?” and “Where am I going?” to determine “who I am,” it seems that the question of “Who am I?” cannot be answered adequately. The issues returnees face often center around questions of identity, “who I am.” Yet if returnees try to define their identity purely in terms of their geographic location and horizontal relationships, there will likely be confusion.

The Old Testament tells of a man who, like today’s returnees, left his place of birth and went to another land. His name was Jacob, and his story was recorded in Genesis. Where did Jacob come from? He came from Beersheba, a place where he received many blessings (Genesis 27:27) and a place where he could not stay (Genesis 27:43). In Beersheba, he inherited the Abrahamic covenant passed down through his father Isaac, whom he had cheated to gain his blessing. Also, there was his mother who was no longer able to protect him from his brother who wanted to kill him (Genesis 27:41). Jacob surely had some fond memories of Beersheba, but under the circumstances, he was not able to stay.

Where was Jacob headed as he left Beersheba? To Haran, the place his grandfather Abraham had left years before (Genesis 12:4). It had taken the family over a hundred years to leave Haran, and now Jacob was going back. Jacob still had extended family there, his uncle, Laban, and his family.  Laban was not a kind man; in his eyes, there were only hired hands, not family; there were only business interests, not personal affection. He was a nightmare of a boss for all who worked for him.

If you were to ask Jacob in the opening verses of Genesis 28, “Who are you?”, he would have told you, “I am from Beersheba where I had a good life and received many blessings, but I could not stay there and have return to Haran. I hope to find a way to make a living, start a family, and in turn become a blessing here.” This is pretty much how the returnees whom I sent off from my overseas church and have welcomed to my current church would introduce themselves.

Jacob’s return journey to Haran was not easy. He traveled alone through the wilderness, and as the sun went down, there were no familiar tents and only cold stones to use for a pillow. Jacob “the returnee” was overwhelmed by loneliness.

Jacob was capable and self-reliant. He removed the stone from the well so that Rachel could water her father Laban’s sheep (Genesis 29:10), and when given the chance, he worked very hard for his uncle (Genesis 29:15). Yet Jacob had a rough time. He was deceived by his uncle and labored for seven years, only to then labor for another seven years (Genesis 29:20, 30). He got two wives but was reduced to a pawn in the race between his wives to produce a son and heir. Leah said to him, “You must come in to me, for I have hired you…” (Genesis 30:16).

In spite of all the blessings that Jacob brought to Laban’s household (Genesis 30:27), which his unscrupulous uncle recognized, Jacob was still trapped. It was a reoccurring story for him, stuck over and over again: in the wilderness, in his uncle’s house, in his marriages. This is also the experience of every one of today’s returnees. We know that the Bible is both historical and prophetic. It records the story of sinners and their sin-tainted lives, and it also predicts the trials that every sinner will experience in the present fallen world.

How many Christians with overseas experience, who have been blessed with great grace while abroad, have come back home with a clear mission? How many had to return because they did not win the H1B lottery, which determines work eligibility in the United States? This is like asking Jacob: Did you leave Beersheba because of the Abrahamic covenant and the promise of “being fruitful and increasing in number to fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28), or did you simply listen to your mother and leave for fear of your father’s rebuke and your brother’s revenge?

If a returnee both knows God’s precious promises and returns to his home country for practical reasons, there is little difference between him and Jacob. Both are sinners called by God, and for both the environment is tainted by sin. So, the returnee should not expect to write a different chapter of his life, but to live out the biblical narrative of a sinner’s salvation:

1. Experiencing loneliness. Jacob experienced loneliness in the wilderness when he lost almost all his earthly relationships. He continued to experience loneliness in Laban’s household as he was mistreated and taken advantage of. Returnees will experience such times of loneliness after they return. Isolation in time and space, being removed from the company of old friends is like Jacob’s loneliness in the wilderness; the loneliness returnees experience in big cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen is similar to Jacob’s loneliness in Haran. There are millions of people around you, but few meaningful relationships, and where there are relationships, they are often tainted by mixed motives and efforts to take advantage of one another. 

2. Efforts in self-preservation. Jacob was able to recognize Rachel by his own cleverness (Genesis 29:4-6). He showed his strength by helping his future wife water her sheep (Genesis 29:10). He exchanged his labor for his father-in-law’s favor and grew his family through 14 years of hard work. It seems that Jacob had made his dream come true by his own gifts, efforts, and wisdom, but he still felt that he had nothing to his name. This is often the experience of returnees as well. Their experience of studying and living overseas enables them to increase their abilities and insights in their fields; these abilities in turn will enable them to excel in the workplace. The insights returnee Christians have into the Bible and the church will enable them to become objects of their pastor’s affection and garner favor from the congregation; returnee Christians may also become competitive in the dating scene.

However, if all of this becomes for the returnee a kind of guarantee for a successful life, then one day we will likely hear this complaint: “In my company as well as in my church, I am just a tool. Everyone only cares about my contribution. No one cares about me! I miss my church and college fellowship group in the US.” When Jacob relied on his gifts alone, God sent Laban to act as the consumer of his gifts. I’m not excusing bosses who consume their employees or churches who consume their congregations, but I believe this is the way God works: allowing the dreams of those who are relying on themselves to come true, only to help them realize they are stuck in a vicious cycle of trying to save themselves.

3. Utter despair. Jacob’s wives tried to gain their husband’s favor by having more babies, but they were trapped in a dead-end race for pregnancy. Returnees, likewise, try to compete hard in the workplace. In the church they ask, “What more can I do?” But the search for fulfillment in horizontal relationships is bound to lead to constant disappointment.  As returnees seek favor from their bosses, they find that the economy is failing; as they seek appreciation from their pastors, they find there are actually quite a lot of theological resources in the big cities, so their help is not so needed; as they seek recognition from the congregation, the next batch of returnees comes, stealing attention from them; as they seek approval from their families, they find their families only care about their contribution to their parents and relatives.

So where is the way out?

What did Jacob encounter on his way to Haran? Not a tower of Babel built from the earth reaching toward heaven, but a ladder descending from heaven. The Lord did not make him climb the ladder, but revealed to him angels ascending and descending, connecting heaven and earth. Jacob was still on the road between his home and a distant place, but because of his vision of the heavenly ladder, that desolate place became the temple of God, the gate of heaven (Genesis 28:17). His circumstances did not change, nor did his broken earthly relationships, but Jacob went from being a fugitive in the wilderness to a worshipper on the road to heaven.

It is similar with Leah, who, after giving birth to Reuben, Simeon, and Levi, gave up her obsession with earthly relationships because of Judah—at that moment, she began to praise the Lord (Genesis 29:35). It is also like Rachel, who, after a long battle with her sister, named her son “Joseph” (Genesis 30:24), putting her hope in the future rather than the present (Genesis 30:24).

Jacob’s family’s sense of identity could not be worked out through earthly relationships, but they were able to build their identity on the worship of Yahweh and the hope of a future Son. The way out was finally fulfilled in the person of Jesus Christ: he became incarnate as the true ladder from heaven (John 1:51). He was born of the tribe of Judah, a descendant of David, to show what true worship is (John 4:23). And he is the one who is the true Son.

Jesus Christ is the true hope of Christian returnees who have experienced loneliness, who have struggled to save themselves, and who have faced disappointments and despair.

As a “returnee pastor” and a pastor of returnees, I would like to offer the following suggestions and advice to overseas churches, churches in China, and returnee Christians.

To overseas churches: Please encourage brothers and sisters who have left you to worship God in person with other believers in the local church, not virtually. Remember that one-on-one friendships alone and Bible studies on the internet do not equate with worship as described in the Bible, and neither is it a substitute for worship in a local church. Don’t replace vertical, upward-directed praise and worship with horizontal fellowship relationships.

To churches in China: Please do not see returnees as a commodity to be consumed or leveraged. They are first of all sinners in need of grace, and only after that, returnees by grace. Christian returnees need the body of Christ (the church) to shepherd them more than the church needs returnees to serve her. Allow the returnees in your church to take time before they begin to serve. And when you come across a particularly “useful” Christian returnee, consider your mentality as a leader and be a faithful and good shepherd as you steward the resources they bring.

To Christian returnees: When you call yourself a “Christian returnee,” you may inadvertently feel tempted to add a little bit of your own experience and effort to your Christian identity. Hold your “returnee” status more lightly, which will help you to become a more devoted follower of Christ.

Finally, whether you are a pastor, a brother or sister in the local church, or a returnee, you must, to some degree, have experienced the pain of “returning to the land.” Even though Jacob experienced a tangled and complicated life, the author of Hebrews commented on him, saying: “By faith Jacob, when dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, bowing in worship over the head of his staff” (Hebrews 11:21). God did not define Jacob according to his guile, nor did he write an epitaph that pointed to his trials or accomplishments. Jacob’s life is memorialized by the author of Hebrews for his hope in the future and his worship of God.

It is difficult for sinners to live in a fallen world. It is even more so for Christian returnees, sinners who are intelligent, capable, knowledgeable, and familiar with the Bible, who arrive in cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen, where their opportunity to sin is magnified. Yet our hope does not rely on worldly things—it does not matter whether my work in Shanghai is smooth, or whether my service in my church in Beijing is revitalized, or whether my marriage in Shenzhen is happy, or whether my children in Guangzhou excel in school. What matters most is our assurance in the promise of the heavenly ladder and our future worship in the new heaven and new earth. Our identity is not defined by where we come from or where we go, but only by whether we worship the true God of heaven.

This article was originally written in Chinese and was translated by the editorial team.

在美国牧会3年，陆陆续续送了20多人回国；自己回国后继续植堂4年，教会接收从海外教会转介的回国基督徒不下百人。“海归基督徒”几乎是避不开的话题。以下我愿意花一些笔墨，借圣经里的一位“海归”，分享一下我对海归基督徒的理解，并试着给海外的教会、国内的教会和海归基督徒提供一些建议和意见。

哲学上有人生终极三问：我是谁？我从哪里来？我要到哪里去？当我们用“我从哪里来”和“要到哪里去”这两个问题来决定“我是谁”时，我们其实仅仅在回答“我是谁”的问题，而这个问题的答案似乎和“从哪里来”，“到哪里去”是有关联的。而“海归”的问题，就出现在这里了——“海归”听上去是一个“我是谁”的问题，但是这个词本身和“从哪里来”，“到哪里去”脱不开关系。这就容易让“海归”们单纯从环境和横向关系上寻找身份认同，从而产生混乱。

在旧约圣经中，有一个人也从一个地方出来，到另外一个地方去，和今天的海归颇为相似。这个人叫雅各，故事记载在创世记。雅各从哪里来？他来自别是巴，一个他承接祝福的地方（创27:27），一个他留不住的地方（27:43）。在别是巴，他靠着一身的小聪明，从父亲以撒那里继承了亚伯拉罕之约。在别是巴，有被他骗的老父亲，有无法继续罩他的母亲，更有追杀他的哥哥（创27:41）。别是巴，有着美好的回忆，但是留不下来啊！

雅各要到哪里去？他要去哈兰，一个他的祖父亚伯拉罕离开的地方（创12:4）。这个家族花了一百多年离开了哈兰，现在雅各要回去了。那是一个有他同族人的地方。而他同族的舅舅拉班并非善茬，在拉班的眼中只有雇工，没有骨肉；只有生意，没有感情，这样的老板是一切打工人的梦魇。

如果你问创世记28章开篇的雅各一个问题：“你是谁？”他会告诉你：“我曾经在别是巴过着美好的生活，接受了将来的祝福，但是我留不下来，只能回到我的亲族那里，期待可以找到谋生之路，建立家庭，进而成为当地的祝福。”这几乎就是我迎来送走每一个海归的自我介绍！

在“海归”的路上，雅各的日子过得不好，他独行旷野，太阳落山，没有熟悉的帐棚，只有冰冷的石头用来枕头——海归雅各被孤独感压倒了。

在这一路上，雅各开始施展各种自救能力，他在拉结面前搬开了巨石（29:10），在拉班家里拼命表现（29:15），即便如此，雅各的日子也不好过。他被舅舅欺骗，劳苦7年又7年（29:20，30）；他娶了妻子，却在两个妻子生子争宠的竞赛中，沦为了工具人——没错，连他的妻子利亚最后都说“你要与我同寝，因为我……把你雇下了。”（30:16）

即便雅各为拉班带来了那么多的祝福（30:27），甚至连这个无良的舅舅都承认了，但雅各还是被困住了。雅各一次次的被困在当下：在旷野，在舅舅家中，在婚姻里……这何尝不是每一个“海归”的经历！要知道圣经是历史性的，同样也是先知性的，圣经记载了罪人在被罪玷污的历史中发生的故事，也预言了每一个罪人在当下这个堕落的世界将会有的经历。

有海外经历的基督徒，尤其是在海外蒙了大恩的弟兄姐妹们中，有多少人是带着纯粹的使命被差回国？又有多少是因为没有抽到H1B而不得不回国？这就好像问雅各：你离开别是巴，是因为生养众多遍满全地的亚伯拉罕之约，还是担心父亲的责难，被弟弟威胁，听了妈妈的话？

如果一个海归既知道“遍满全地”的约，也有各种实际的原因迫使自己回国，那么基本就和雅各差别不大了。一样是蒙召的罪人，一样是被罪玷污的环境，那么“海归”应该期待的，不是“书写不一样的人生篇章”，而是“重演圣经中罪人蒙恩的故事”：

1. 经历孤独。雅各在旷野中失去了几乎所有横向的关系，在旷野经历了孤独感；雅各在拉班的家中被当做工具人，继续经历孤独。“海归”回国后会在相当长一段时间里，经历这样的孤独。和老朋友们在时间和空间上的隔绝，如同旷野中的孤独；在北上广深这些大城市里，有千万人口，却少有彼此关系，聚集的目的本身就是互相消费，如同在哈兰的孤独。
2. 努力自救。在旷野中的雅各，通过自己的小聪明认出了拉结（29:4-6），显出自己的力量帮助了未来的妻子（29:10），用劳动换取岳父的欢心，以14年的努力换来了成家立业！似乎，雅各用自己的恩赐，自己的努力，自己的智慧，梦想成真了，但依旧一无所有。这多半也是“海归”回国后的经历，海外的学习生活背景会让海归们的能力和见识在其场域中有所建树；海归基督徒的能力会让他们在职场有好的发展；海归基督徒对圣经，对教会的洞见会让他们在教会成为牧师喜欢，会众青睐的对象；甚至海归基督徒在恋爱市场上都是有竞争力的。但是，如果这一切成为海归落地的保障，那么会有一天，我们会听到这样的抱怨：“在公司，在教会，我都是工具人，大家只关心我的贡献，没人关心我！我想念美国的教会，大学的团契！”当雅各单单依靠自己的恩赐时，上帝就派拉班消费他的恩赐——我不是为那些消费员工的老板，消费会众的教会开脱——这就是上帝做事的方式：让一切有能力靠自己的人梦想成真，却困在自救的漩涡里。
3. 彻底绝望。雅各的妻子们试图通过“再生一个”来获取丈夫的宠爱，结果他们被困在了“生娃竞赛”的死局之中。海归也是，在职场上他们不断的卷自己；在教会也会问“我还能做什么？”在横向关系中寻找满足，必定让人不断绝望。当海归不断的寻求老板的认可时，发现经济不行了；寻求牧师的认可时，发现北上广的神学资源其实挺多的；寻求会众认可时，下一茬的海归又来了；寻求家人的认可时，家人关心的是你对家庭的贡献……

出路在哪里呢？

雅各在去往哈兰的路上遇见了什么？不是从地上建立的巴别塔，是从天上降下的天梯；耶和华没有让他攀登天梯，而是让他看到天使上去下来，连接天地。雅各还在家园和远方的路上，但是因为天梯，那个地方成了神的殿，天的门（28:17）。环境没有改变，横向人际关系也没有改变，但是雅各从一个旷野中的逃亡者成了天路上的敬拜者。

这就好像利亚在生了吕便、西缅和利未之后，因犹大而停止了横向关系的执念——因为，那一刻她开始赞美耶和华（29:35）；这就好像拉结在和姐姐长期鏖战后给儿子起名叫“约瑟”，把盼望放在将来，而不是此刻（30:24）。

雅各一家身份感的问题，不可能在横向的关系上找到出路，却能因为天上降下的梯子，建立在对耶和华的敬拜以及对将来儿子的盼望上。这一切的出路，最后应验在了耶稣基督的身上：他道成肉身，成为了真正的天梯（约1:51）；他出生犹大支派，大卫的后裔，告诉人什么是真正的敬拜（约4:23）；他就是那个真正的儿子。

耶稣基督，才是经历孤独、努力自救、彻底绝望的“海归基督徒”的真正盼望。

以下是我作为一名“海归牧师”分别给海外教会、国内教会和海归基督徒的一些建议和意见。

给海外教会：请帮助离开你们的弟兄姐妹敬拜上帝，在本地的教会，而不是在虚拟的网络世界，一对一的友谊，网络上的查经，都不是敬拜，更不应该替代本地教会的敬拜。不要用横向团契关系，代替纵向的赞美和敬拜。

给国内教会：不要消费海归，他们首先是需要恩典的罪人，其次才是蒙恩的海归；相比教会需要海归来服侍，海归们更需要基督的身体（教会）来牧养。慢一点，再慢一点让他们开始服侍。当我们遇到一个特别“好用”的海归基督徒时，请首先查验自己心中像拉班那样的老板心态，做忠心良善的管家。

给海归基督徒们：当你自称“海归基督徒”的时候，可能在不经意间，在基督徒的身份上增加了些许自己的经验、努力、阅历。轻看你的“海归”身份，会让你做个更纯粹的基督徒。

最后，无论你是教会的牧师、弟兄姐妹，还是海归基督徒，一定都在不同程度上，经历过“海归落地”的痛苦——否则，这个话题不会如此经久不衰。然而，雅各虽然经历了纠结、拧巴的一生，希伯来书的作者却是这样评价他的：“雅各因着信，临死的时候，给约瑟的两个儿子各自祝福，扶着杖头敬拜神。”（来11:21）上帝没有按照雅各的诡诈定义他，没有把他一生的颠沛流离写成墓志铭，也没有提到他的那些辉煌时刻；雅各的一生被新约作者纪念的，是他对将来的盼望，对上帝的敬拜。

罪人和罪人，在堕落的世界里，日子一定很难过。尤其是当“海归基督徒”这样的罪人，聪明有能力，见多识广，还熟悉圣经，到了北上广深这种犯罪能力被放大的城市，就更难了。但是，我们的盼望不在于此，不在乎上海的工作是否顺利，不在乎北京的教会服侍是否复兴，不在乎深圳的婚姻是否幸福，不在乎广州的孩子是否卓越……而在乎那天梯的应许、那将来新天新地的敬拜是确定的。我们的身份不被从哪里来，到哪里去定义，唯独和我们是否在天上敬拜有关。