“Fresh off the boat,” an old phrase referring to new arrivals, described me well in 1983 as I began my new life as an overseas worker in Hong Kong. Being quite naïve about Chinese culture, I was excited to hear from my colleagues that I would receive a beautiful silk jacket from our Chinese co-workers as they had in years past. And during Chinese festivals I would receive other special gifts and be invited to delicious banquets—it all sounded wonderful to me!
In due time I did receive the jacket, yet I was a tinge disappointed that it was a blue one—not my favorite color. So much for having a gracious spirit! But more important, I was quite ignorant of the significance of this gift and the intricacies of Chinese gift customs.
I generally considered these gifts as simple thank you gifts for teaching English part time and just being in Hong Kong as a foreigner. How conceited could I be? It wasn’t until years later that I realized there was much more going on in this gift exchange.
More perplexing gift-giving episodes followed in those early days. One time a Chinese roommate filled the refrigerator with lettuce and other western food for me knowing that I could not possibly eat it all. I soon found out she wanted a friend to stay with us for a brief time in our tiny apartment. Colleagues, of course, comforted me and explained that this was the Chinese way to do things and not to be upset. Obviously I had a lot to learn about gift exchange customs.
Decades later I still had much to learn. I have a dear Chinese friend in one city who taught me a great deal about culture. We had an interesting relationship; at first she came once a week to do some cleaning and cooking for me. But as the time went by our relationship deepened into more of a special friendship as she called me her meimei (little sister). We often exchanged gifts, but I always felt like she gave me the nicer gifts. It may have been because she saw me more as her little sister and wanted to take care of me. However, perhaps I was able to repay her when I moved away and gave her many things I could not take with me. Overall, I saw the gift exchange with her as a way of expressing our care and love for each other, especially as the years went by.
I find the study of Chinese culture both fascinating and challenging. Oftentimes, the more I read and explore a certain aspect of culture, the more unanswered questions arise and possible answers blur into the gray area of ambiguity with multiple levels of complexity. For sure gift-exchange in the Chinese culture is one of those complex aspects. Even after thirty-plus years of living in the Far East, I still feel inadequate to explain the rules and reasons that are part of gift-giving and receiving. Also being a Caucasian American with limited Chinese ability, my insights into this aspect of culture cannot be considered totally accurate or reliable. Yet I desire to learn and continue to do so.
Caroll Hoffman Rhyne III in his lengthy but well-written paper on gift-exchange, “Influence of Confucian Values on the Practice of Gift Exchange in Contemporary China,” comes up with a number of practical implications.
He states: “. . . [a] non-Chinese can and should make use of gift exchange as a way to establish and maintain friendships with Chinese people.” But he admits that “gift exchange has been corrupted by human sinfulness” and one needs to be wise and sensitively aware of what’s really happening in the situation and of hidden motives. Another thought-provoking implication is how a Chinese person’s understanding of gift giving may affect his/her understanding of the gospel— the gift of salvation God offers through His Son.
Gift exchange in the Chinese culture may never be fully understood by those of us who are outsiders. Yet as we learn, question, reflect, and ask God for wisdom, understanding, and sensitivity when exchanging gifts, I believe we can incorporate this important part of Chinese culture into our lives. And then we can better communicate and live out God’s truth among and with the Chinese—not just greedily accepting gifts as I did those early years without understanding the meaning and significance of them all.
Image credit: Joyce Stauffer
Joyce Stauffer
Joyce Stauffer lived and worked in various cities in China for over 30 years. She returned to her roots in Lancaster county, Pennsylvania just over a year ago. She juggles various responsibilities and jobs as she continues to adjust to life in the USA. And she blogs at joycestauffer.com. View Full Bio
Are you enjoying a cup of good coffee or fragrant tea while reading the latest ChinaSource post? Consider donating the cost of that “cuppa” to support our content so we can continue to serve you with the latest on Christianity in China.