From Law to Light

In this series of articles, we will examine some thoughts and experiences of a leading Chinese intellectual of the twentieth century who underwent a deep conversion to Jesus Christ. John C. H. Wu’s (吳經熊, Wu Jingxiong) life experiences and writings on the points of harmony between Chinese humanism and Christian spirituality have much to offer us today, especially Chinese young people, whether from the East or the West. We will begin with Wu’s conversion to Christianity, which bears many similarities to that of a great Christian thinker in the early Church, St. Augustine of Hippo (354-430). In this series we will look at several topics, beginning with Wu’s experience of restlessness, repentance, and conversion.

If You Desire the Truth, You Will Find It, or It Will Find You

In the 1920s and 1930s, John C. H. Wu was one of China’s brightest young intellectuals. After receiving a traditional Chinese education as a child at the end of the Qing Dynasty, Wu was taught by American missionaries and discovered an attraction to the study of law. Extraordinarily gifted in learning, by his early twenties he had won prestigious scholarships to study law in the US, France, and Germany. He studied under some of the best legal philosophers of the time and published articles in leading journals. By the late 1930s, back in China, he had found great success as a legislator and judge, and drafted the constitution for the Republic of China. He had reached the pinnacle of his profession and attained fame and wealth, yet he described his internal state as “misery.” In his words,

The awareness that I was nearing forty, but had not yet attained to the truth to which I could give my heart without reserve, that awareness was the source of my misery.

Wu’s experience shows that success in the world is not enough to satisfy our hearts. In this, he resembled the young fourth-century philosopher St. Augustine in two ways. First, he was searching for wisdom in the study of philosophy and law, but was doing so in order to increase his own power, rather than to find the truth so that he could follow it. He had experienced what he regarded as a “rather superficial acquaintance with Christ” years earlier, but was no longer interested in knowing whether or not Christ was divine or in following him. He wrote at the time, “Law is my idol.”

Like virtually all Chinese scholars of his generation, he wanted to “save China” by means of modernization and casting off outdated ideas. In his case, Wu wished to build a modern and just legal system in China, modeled after the best legal philosophies of the West. At around age 22, he wrote to his friend, US Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, “As a Chinese I have a country to save, I have a people to enlighten, I have a race to uplift, I have a civilization to modernize.”¹ He encountered many frustrations when he found that saving China was not so easy.

In recalling this point in his life, in which he was seeking truth, but not getting anywhere, Wu recalls words written by the Catholic writer, Léon Bloy, to philosopher Jacques Maritain:

You are seeking, you say. O Professor of philosophy, … you believe… that truth is something one seeks! … You eventually understand that one finds what he desires only on that day when he has most humbly renounced seeking what lay under his hand, unbeknown to him. For my part, I declare that I never sought or found anything unless one wishes to describe as a discovery the fact of tripping blindly over a threshold and being thrown flat on one’s stomach into the House of Light.²

At this point, Wu had not yet found the truth that could satisfy his own heart, and to which he could commit all his restless energy. Each of us wants and needs to know why we exist. Otherwise, we too are restless. Once we know the truth, everything becomes clear.

When he finally found the truth, Wu felt that it was just like “tripping blindly over [a] threshold and being thrown flat on his stomach into the House of Light.” In other words, one must give up believing he or she has the power to attain truth by oneself, and humble oneself to the point of realizing that it is a gift. And the gift usually comes through another person, whether that is a friend, a writer, or a preacher, rather than from within oneself. Intellectual humility is required, but it is only the first part. As a final note, although Bloy above says one cannot attain the truth by seeking, in Matthew 7:7-8, Our Lord Jesus himself tells us to ask, seek, and knock, all of which are expressions of our “desire” for the truth. Although we cannot find it by ourselves, our asking and seeking are what makes us open to truth and humble enough to receive it.

Trust That if You Repent of Your Sins, Jesus Will Make You into a New and Happier Person

Second, Augustine in his Confessions describes (perhaps in parody) his earlier, immature attitude with the words, “Lord, make me chaste [pure], but not yet!”³ Although Wu was a married man with children, at this point he frequented brothels, justifying his behavior to himself by giving the poorer girls more money than the others. He even asked his wife if he could take a mistress. Again, however, his soul was in misery, and he felt like he was in “prison.” In a manner reminiscent of Augustine’s Confessions, Wu wrote,

I desired power, but I had forgotten that goodness, and nothing else, is power. I desired freedom, but I had forgotten that freedom can only be won by obeying the commandments of God. I desired life, but I was running in the broad road that leads to perdition. Because of my moral turpitude, I was lost in the labyrinth of life. The more I tried with my own effort to be disentangled from the snares of sin, the more entangled I was in them. The very universe became a prison to me, and I constantly bumped my head against its iron walls—all in vain.⁴

Wu’s intellectual dead-end was accompanied by a moral dead-end. When we experience this combination, both our minds and hearts are restless; we feel the guilt and weight of our own bad choices, and we both know and feel that we are lost. Our thoughts become sad, and our previous joy turns to grief, or cynicism. Wu’s spirits were so low that he wrote, “The agony of my own soul was so bitter that death itself would have been a welcome relief.”⁵

Because John Wu did not understand the purpose of his life, he was restless, unsettled. In his words, “I was homesick for God, but I had forgotten that Christ is the Way to return to him.” Fortunately, like both Augustine and the prodigal son in the famous parable told by Jesus in the Gospel of Luke chapter 15, Wu was reminded of the way home (in his case through the words and prayers of friends and through reading books by Christian writers like John Henry Newman), and was finally ready to give up his life of debauchery and selfishness. He experienced a moment of tearful repentance and genuine contrition, which he details in his autobiography, Beyond East and West.

Wu, like Augustine, had initially been reluctant to give up some of the pleasures he had enjoyed. But in time he had the grace to see that something better awaited if he would trust God and follow him. His experience is captured well by the words of Pope Benedict XVI, recalling the most prominent message of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II:

If we let Christ enter fully into our lives, if we open ourselves totally to him, are we not afraid that he might take something away from us? … once again the Pope [John Paul II] said: No! If we let Christ into our lives, we lose nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of what makes life free, beautiful, and great. No! Only in this friendship are the doors of life opened wide. Only in this friendship is the great potential of human existence truly revealed. Only in this friendship do we experience beauty and liberation. And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ—and you will find true life.⁶

Augustine famously wrote, “O Lord, you have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”⁷ As we begin to look at the important things John Wu’s life and work can show us, the starting point, of which we all at times need to be reminded, is to return to the Lord who made us and loves us. We can let go of our fear and trust him, and a bright new day will open up in the depths of our hearts, and we find rest.

1. John C. H. Wu, Beyond East and West (New York: Sheed and Ward, 1951; Notre Dame: Notre Dame Press, 2018), 91.
2. Wu, Beyond East and West, 224.
3. Augustine, Confessions, Book VIII; Brian Morton, “Fleshing Out St Augustine,” Sunday Herald, n.d., accessed November 4, 2024, https://faculty.georgetown.edu/jod/texts/sundayheraldreview.html#:~:text=%22Oh%2C%20Master%2C%20make%20me,dithering%20between%20libido%20and%20restraint%22.
4. Wu, Beyond East and West, 8.
5. Wu, Beyond East and West, 240.
6. Benedict XVI, “Homily,” Vatican website, April 24, 2005, accessed November 4, 2024, https://www.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/homilies/2005/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20050424_inizio-pontificato.html.
7. St. Augustine, Confessions, Book I.

John A. Lindblom

John Lindblom received his MA in International Studies (China) at the Henry M. Jackson School at the University of Washington, with a focus on the Catholic Church in China. He received his PhD in World Religions World Church (theology) at the University of Notre Dame. His research examines connections between …View Full Bio

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